Monday 26 July 2010

Issue #3 - End of the Line


How does the last tube driver get home?
Asked by: Tom Fewings

Now this is one of the small mysteries we have all found ourselves pondering while on a trip down procrastination avenue or distraction drive. This often leads to some wild flights of imagination, or at least that’s what happens in my case, as of course the answer will always be the most complicated and unrealistic - that’s how I live my life anyway. So here are a few of my ideas for how the driver of the last tube gets home…

• Each driver is equipped with his or her own foldable vehicle that fits inside a bag. When unfolded it is placed on to the tube tracks, on which it travels at high speed until it reaches their stop, where they get off, fold up their vehicle and walk the rest of the distance home.
• Giant Pogo Stick.
• After completing the final tube-driving exam, the driver is asked if they are a night owl. If they say yes they are provided with some wings and a beak and told that they will drive the last tube and that they must fly home.
• The drivers of the last train are forced to sleep on the tube train until the following morning, where, on waking, they must continue driving for the rest of their lives (it’s a form of slavery).
• Invisible Sky Zip-lines.
• All the stray pigeons that have wandered down into the tube system are herded through out the day. At the end of the day the drivers must train and encourage a new flock to do his/her bidding.
• Lizards.


However the answer to this question is not as exciting as you or I may imagine, as expressed by Marion from the London Underground Customer Services phone line, ‘Unfortunately there isn’t any magic bus to take them home’. Pity. Instead the drivers will either get the night bus home, if they are local, park at the tube depot and drive home at the end of their shift or London Underground provides a taxi for them. So now you know.

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